Lisa

How can a heart break this way
How could there be nothing I could say
How did I stand there and watch you go
You walked to that plane
My eyes followed you so

I watched your every move through the glass
You turned to see if I was still looking
And waved a wave goodbye
I stood silent, nearly choking

Standing silently alone
Inside I was screaming
Screaming at you
Screaming at me
Screaming at the madness
Screaming at the insurmountable wall of sadness
I was screaming
Screaming.
But out of all the people,
There was no one to hear me screaming.

I stayed; your plane taxied the runway
I waited as you took to the sky
I waited there; nothing I could say
I was on the periphery of having just died
Right there
With everyone all around watching me
Screaming for help from anyone
But no one saw, no one heard the emergency

My heart lay there on the ground
Ripped right from my chest
No one noticed the blood all around
No one turned in such a time of need
Strangers, all that was of my company

I retrieved my severed heart
Couldn’t stand to have it trampled on
Wouldn’t have made it far
But it was angels that carried me along
Angels carried me away from that gate
And I was screaming
Let me stay here and wait
I know he’s coming back
Can’t I just stay
I will wait earnestly
For my love
To come back to me

Soldier boy
You Army toy
Come home soon
I can’t hear you when I listen under the moon
Can you hear me
As I scream
Come back, come back to me
Come home to me
I’m waiting
Can you hear me half a world away
I wait and pretend you are safe
But I am screaming inside
Truth, is so damn hard to hide
When it’s screaming

When it’s screaming at you
Screaming at me
Screaming at this world of madness
Screaming at this insurmountable wall of sadness

These hurts from such a long time ago
How can they accost my soul
Holding me at bay
In places so far away

How dare the window of time
Open my heart and my mind
Loving so early in life
Loving against such strife

Buried emotions grow strong again
How is it so, after a lifetime of mend
With clarity I see a face
The passions of love, I remember the taste

How can this swell within my heart
When years of living have held apart
Content to be where I am today
What could cause me to feel this way

Why would I now wonder, What if
When what became is petroglyph
Writing on a canyon wall
A maiden in her prayer shawl
Praying to every god she did and didn’t know
For tranquility to find her soul
Arms lifted upward to the sky
Take this pain, lest I die
And with the passage of time, sacred abodes crumbled
The painful groans no longer rumbled
Vivid memories, they faded
Inscriptions on the walls, degraded

So how dare the window of time
Open my heart and my mind
Beckoning me to this uncontrolled condition
Compelling this memory to recognition

It felt so good to hold on tight
But I had to let go, a drizzly night
In anguish I said good-bye
Discovered memories and heartaches come alive

Surely, I meant what I did say
When I said, I will love you, always
I find as this dry river flows
You, Intimately entwined with my soul

Blessed abiding.

I didn’t feel this way when I first awoke today. But what was it that changed and caused me to feel this way? As I lay in bed just waking from sleep, I experienced something I do almost daily. But today, I appreciated, really lived the moment with the awareness that each moment deserves. And it was my dogs that brought light to the situation, as they often do.

It is such a blessed feeling, to those that love dogs; those that don’t have no an idea of what they miss; but to those that do, it is a blessed feeling to wake each day and feel the warmth surrounding you. Listen to the breath of life flow in and out of their lungs with an occasional snort or snore. Feel them nestled close. Reposition, unintentionally moving ever so slight away and so do they move, once again, snuggling ever contiguous as if they are a part of you. (Really they are, but that is something I might discuss in detail at another time. Suffice it to say, I believe your animals, the ones you chose or those that chose you have done so for a reason).

Nonetheless, back to the moments in time, now just a memory and residual feelings that fade as each moment passes now. As I awoke, I lay on my side and nestled behind, at the bend of my legs is one, so small and seemingly fragile, Evie. Behind my back is another; Duke with his head lying on my neck. Before me, at the bend between my lower abdomen and thighs lays Nelly. Willow lies at my chest, staring at me, insisting that I pet her since I am obviously now awake. She is so soft. It is undesired for her breed but I like it on her; it suits her personality. There is yet another dog, Dora who is an adolescent. She does not have full nighttime bed privileges yet, as she is still learning to NOT chew up and spread about the contents of the bed she sleeps in, pillows, bedspreads and such. She is crated next to the bed for now. But I am aware of her. She is waking too, rustling around every now and then.

The feelings I feel, before feeling crowded and saying, “Come on, let’s get up” are of such wonderment. In those moments, I am filled with love. No worries. All of life is here and now, infinity in each moment. There is no right, no wrong, just contentment, and I am at peace. There are no thoughts of what needs to be done or what should have been done. Just the moment and that, is not even a thought, it is an experience of existing in each instant as it happens. It’s a reality that we miss out on when we get so caught up in our lives. Nonetheless, it was a time of innocence and guiltlessness.

After the fact, I realized that I had been completely absorbed in living each moment; by then it had become thoughts and memories of what had passed. I felt somewhat euphoric in the realization of what occurred. Just remembering what had happened, however long it was, caused me to feel pleased. I wanted to hug the whole world. Knowing that everyone needs a sincere display of friendliness and loving-kindness every now and then.


It is hard for many to believe that dogs can make one feel this way but I know first hand they do. Maybe I, and the rest of the dog loving population are weird; I know we are crazy, but to many of us, we even like our dogs better than we like most people.

Dogs are not complicated. People are. If a dog doesn’t like you, you’re going to know it, most of the time before he bites you in the ass. People, on the other hand, I believe will act as though they are your friend and much to your surprise when you wake up face down in the dirt, knife in your back, guess who. Why does it consistently shock people when the one’s who you think are your friends, betray? Don’t get me wrong; I don’t hate anyone. I have compassion for everyone. But I don’t like everyone.

I love dogs. Those dogs that don’t like me, and there are a few, I still like them. They are honest; I respect honesty. And honesty is an endangered trait among people these days. If you have it or know someone who does, take a moment to be thankful. If you have a dog, be extraordinarily thankful. Know someone who does, you can be thankful too.


Dedicated to Brat, whose presence is always with me.

I want to reach my arms around the world
Give everyone a hug today
The good, the bad, the happy the sad
The opulent, the poor, and the evildoer
Those under nourished and over nourished
Young and old, tiny infants who are the purest
Those righteous, and clean
The unrighteous and the mean
Healthy and sick, the sane and mentally ill
Those, whom I can’t understand why they feel what they feel
Straight, bisexual and gay
No racial bias in any way
Those with religion and those without
The believer, unbeliever and those with doubt
The spiritual woman or man
All religions, no lines drawn in the sand
No exclusions

What was, will always be
What passes, always remains
Not only in photographs and memories
But in our hearts, that are forever changed

Love forever resides in our soul
Touched by a life so clean
It’s sad that many will never know
Devotion from ones so supreme

Tears, we cry when the essence changes so much
Heartbreak we know deep inside
Missing what we can no longer, physically touch
But what has gone remains by our side

What was, will always be
What passes, always remains
Not only in photographs and memories
But in our hearts, that are forever changed

Lonely I sit
Without you here
Looking ahead
I loathe my fear

The time of your new departure
Draws closer day by day
I would stop you
But I don’t know what to say

Wars waged since the time of man
Wars over peace
I don’t understand

You are my love
You are my life
Your leaving is pain
Slicing my heart with this knife

For the Longest time there was ONE baby boy in my life. He's grown now. But he's still my baby boy. Now there is a second baby boy. And oh the joy he does bring. His name is Jacob. He is absolutely beautiful. A grandson is gifted to me. How can I express the amount of love I feel? Some things truly make this life worth living.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

There is a longing in my heart
A longing I cannot explain
Sadness that bores to my core
My inner being

I long to know you
For love you, I do
But know you, I do not
For we have never touched
Nor met eye to eye
But I’m touched by you
Somewhere deep inside

A distant lifetime
A place so long ago
Memories have vanished
But yet, I still know

I know, I know you
Souls having met before
Tangled in time
A distant shore

Love
The longing I feel
Yearning
No.
No, not to be your lover
Nor to share passion’s kiss
Reunite
To that part of my soul
I often miss

My soul in separation
Fragments of me
They reside in you
Were you to perceive
Of me
Would you feel it too

Brat taught me life is short
A dog’s love is pure

Who among us has no care
Who among us has nothing to share
Always, there is something to give
It's part of life, why we live
I see it through eyes clouded in pain
I hear it in the sounds though dulled by rain
Knowledge, it's there for all who will learn
Wisdom, for all whom time has turned
We must wake up from this reality; it's not what it seems
We must remember our dreams
Heal the hearts and lives torn by greed, lust and anger
torn by love for self, more than the care of strangers
How has it come to this fruition
Does it really matter that we are men without compassion
Compassion is life, our reason for living
Compassion is truly worth our giving