May 27th, 2005


(no subject)

     Reflections of May      

Prom came and Prom went.... she went with the boy I don't care much for, but
they looked good together. He really is a nice looking young man. I did kind of
like him; he is likable. I still can't shake that “bad medicine, bad feeling”
about him though.

Well she broke up with that boy I don't care too much for. He broke her heart
and I'm not so sure she is on the mend. She is seeking refuge in the eyes of the
one that deceived her so. I told her, you'd do well to just let him go...But
it's one more chance she seeks to give and one more chance he might relive.

Graduation came and graduation went. I can't believe it. It came so fast. 17
plus, nearly 18 years I thought was supposed to last, longer than it did. Still
it’s gone and my baby girl, this young woman, she graduated with honors. I am so
very proud of her but I doubt that she can see. There has been such unrest of
late, a reflection maybe of the changes we are going through. You know, we
fought about what she’d do after graduation; I said things I wish I hadn’t have
said. I think maybe she did too.

On Tuesday - Honors night we had sushi and Japanese filet minion hibachi
style. Wednesday – after Graduation we ate good old southern style fried fish,
shrimp and oysters at a place on the beach. We had a family time; parents,
grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews, all there. Husband and ex husband, all there.

We walked on the beach after dinner; Brittni ready with her 2 piece was in
the water picking up shells as the sun was making its way down. For a moment a tear found my eyes and I saw her young again, a little girl, on the beach
collecting shells like we used to do. I took a breath again and I took a few
pictures. My 2 husbands talked one to the other like old friends. My brother and his family were there, taking pictures as well. Their daughter also graduated same class, same school, and same ceremony. My niece’s mother, my brother’s wife and I are good friends; we went to school together and would have graduated together if I hadn’t have…. Well that’s another story…

I know all about how to not listen to words of wisdom.
I’ve been well versed on doing what you shouldn’t do.
But I survived
And I tell myself she will too.

Now I sit alone in the solitude of this late night. The dogs lay here on the
couch and there on the floor. They’re not much company right now as they sleep
and snore. But here it is the solitude that I used to wish I had more of and I
find the silence it brings so harsh and frightening; I think I’ll go insane.

It’s the West wind that calls to her, the youngest child from my womb and
it’s a North wind that calls to me but I think it calls too soon. I pretend I
don’t hear and I shudder in the breeze. But time is a spirit that is persistent
and sure and as I sit here, I don’t have the time that I had before.

In hind sight, I wish I had taken more time when I had it to give and given
more of my time to my precious little kids. They have grown so fast as these
landmark ceremonies go to prove. And in my mind echoes the words my mother said to me, “They’ll be gone before you know it and you’ll wish you had more time.” . . . Though I listened to her words and knew them to be true, I didn’t feel them, no, not like I now do.

This time of change is hard.
But we’ll make it through

It might not be today
And maybe not this soon
But this spirit of transformation insists
And we can’t deny it exists

  • Current Music
    Alanis Morissette - Utopia

(no subject)

I answered a few questions about my dreams ...

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're a very well adjusted and happy person.

Overall, you are very content in your life.

You tend to be a very productive thinker.

You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.

Now The Truth:
1. I'm slowly going insane.
2. Content - What the hell is that?
3. Now if I could only BE productive and get something accomplished!
4. Can't I just be rich???

  • Current Mood
    silly silly